I thought I liked geeks…
So last Friday I went out on a lunch date with someone I’d been messaging through OkCupid (Hi, my name is Stacy, and I dabble in a little online dating).
He’s Russian, and he has 2 cats.
Before I enter a discourse on the course of that lunch…meeting, I have to tell you that I’ve always thought of myself as a champion of Geek Dating Rights; that is to say, I’ve always considered geeks as lovable misunderstood human beings whose interests veer towards the technological spectrum, who have trouble socialising with strangers but are fascinating people once able to converse in a topic of their expertise; because these are the type of geeks that I’ve met, and I’ve been in love with geeks before.
Up to now. Now I realize that I’m attracted to charming boys who happen to have geeky interests. This is an important distinction.
Mr. Russian-with-cats (whom I shall refer to hereafter as the Satellite, because his job has something to do with satellites and because it’s a reference to recent history) was…I would like to say nice, except anyone with a more-than-proficient English teacher or who’s actually looked up the definition for that word knows that it is originally defined as exquisite and exact. It was rather amicably pleasant—he was civil, I was very friendly. He was fond of his cats, I’m very fond of cats. He’s Russian, I like Russian culture.
HOWEVER, there is a reason the stereotype of geeks as socially awkward computer addicts pasty from lack of sunlight is such a prevalent stereotype.
Geeks, no matter what you do, DO NOT admit that you once spent an entire week without stepping outside the house, as the Satellite told me. In his (somewhat weak) defense, he had created his own business and was doing all the things that maintaining a business is about. I myself have hidden away indoors during summer holidays, adopting the sleeping habits of an owl and having a love affair with my computer for days at a time. I’m sure most people have done this at some point of their lives since the creation of the Internet. Maybe like me, you live somewhat far from your friends or the city and have no access to transportation. It’s not a bad thing to stay home for days, but neither is it a good thing.
What I found appalling was how accepting, almost smug, he was about this troll-like behavior, offering it as though it was proof of his geek credentials. Which, in a way, it is.
But he was sincere and politely interested in my interests, unlike another person I’d met up who’d expressed disdain at all the things I like(The Goat, because his most common phrase through the evening was “meh”). And I felt bad for his social ineptitude and overcompensated by being chatty and nice. So I felt even worse when later in the day I received the following message from him:
Hi, Stacy :)
it was nice to meet you! You are really great! I felt some positive and warm energy from you. Not sure if you will find more time to meet. But if you will, then i would like to meet more! I’ve told to my cats how great you are, and they also want to meet you, haha (^_^)
Thanks for lunch!
I did it again. I was nice to some poor socially-inept bugger and now have to tell him it was all an act. Fuck.
So there are two lessons to be learned from my experience. Firstly, ladies, you do not heart nerds, you heart attractive guys with glasses and geeky interests. Secondly, probably it IS better just to break their damn hearts in the first 10 seconds before they get too attached. You’ll be a bitch, but is that really any worse than lying repetitively in a futile attempt to spare his feelings and maintain the facade of being nice to someone that you never want to meet again?
Of course, I should take my own advice.
